


That's the Ball Game

by JustCharlieBruh



Series: You Gotta Die Sometimes [1]
Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: HIV/AIDS, I'm so sorry, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, The first of many short stories, This is in the 80s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 13:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16745083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCharlieBruh/pseuds/JustCharlieBruh
Summary: At first Kaito thinks it the flu.The symptoms are similar enough.





	That's the Ball Game

_Shinichi,_

_I’m writing this as a precaution. A Plan B that’s looking more and more like a Plan A_ _every day. Still, that’s not the point of this. I just wanted to give you this to remind you that there are better things to focus on rather than just worrying over me as I waste away in bed. I don’t want that for you. In all honesty, I love having your attention, but there are more important things to focus on, darling._

_The Detective Boys need their mentor. The Police Force needs its savior. Ran needs_ _her brother. I feel selfish, you know? Taking up so much of your time when you should be spending it out in the sun, living your life. I love you so, so much. So, when I pass, there are going to be letters sent every day at certain times, it’s up to you if you want to follow the steps or not. I’m not forcing you, don’t worry, it’s just a little puzzle. Riddles here and there to pass the time, scavenger hunts across the city. Things like that._

_I want you to live happily, even when I’m gone._

* * *

At first, Kaito thinks it the flu. The symptoms are similar enough. A headache, the fever, the fatigue. He’s had touches of flu before, sure, they’re a week or two longer than most people’s, but in the end, all it was was the flu.

 

Right?

 

He mentions this to Shinichi as an off-hand remark one sunny Wednesday on their shared day off. His boyfriend is stretched across the couch, reading A Scandal In Bohemia for the fifty-second time this week. Kaito watches him carefully as he processes it before his eyebrows take flight and he practically falls off the couch and scrambles towards him.

 

“Cases of flu don’t last three to four weeks, Kaito.” There are some tinges of horror in his tone as Shinichi suddenly cradles his face with such care that Kaito might as well be spun glass. “I—” He pauses to lick his lips, “Have you been tested?”

 

“Tested..?” Kaito repeats incredulously, stomach dropping slightly, he wets his lips for a second. “What...like for HIV?” He raises his eyebrows, not expecting this to come out of a throwaway comment. Shinichi nods with a sort of urgency that has Kaito answering, “N-No, I mean, I have, before we started dating, but that was what— ten years ago? The—” He fights through the growing anxiety in his stomach as Shinichi’s eyes widen, “I’ve only ever been with you, I don’t— I mean, we use condoms every time we do anything and I’ve gone through a thousand cases of flu similar to this since I was what...Eighteen? Just a year after our first date, I think.”

 

Shinichi makes a noise like he’s been shot, leaning forward to bury his face into Kaito’s neck. Kaito carefully wraps his arms around him, shushing him as he whines in the back of his throat. Shinichi pulls away, staring at him as he whispers in horror, “The year you got the blood transfusion from that family friend?” Shinichi’s body jolts as if he’s been electrocuted and he makes a hurt, low keening whine in the back of his throat. Kaito’s heart stutters in his chest as it all slots into place.

 

“I— Shinichi…” Shinichi shakes his head and Kaito sighs, “I’ll go. Next week, we can both go to Araide-sensei and get tested. Together.” He kisses his temple, wishing he’d never opened his big, dumb mouth.

* * *

So they go.

 

They walk into Araide’s clinic together. They get tested in different rooms but leave holding hands. They say nothing to each other about their tests, or rather Kaito feels that Shinichi doesn’t want to talk about it. So, he says nothing. He just kisses the back of his palm as they drive home and have a quiet night in.

 

If Shinichi holds him just that tiny bit closer after dinner, he says nothing.

 

Araide’s pitying look and whispers of apology keep him awake until early morning— bouncing beneath his eyelids, he bites his lip and holds Shinichi as close as he dares.

* * *

Shinichi’s test results come back faster than anticipated. His detective’s hands shake slightly as he opens the brown envelope with a nervousness that Kaito’s only seen in the few times Shinichi has lost hope. He steps closer, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, placing a comforting kiss to the nape of his neck.

 

There’s a beat of tense silence as they stand there, in their living room. He steadies Shinichi’s shaking hands, helps him pull the results out. He hooks his chin over his shoulder, reading it alongside him. They reach the word _negative_ together and Shinichi practically sags against him in relief. He presses a kiss to the corner of his lips, congratulating him in his own quiet way.

 

Kaito just doesn’t have the energy to do more.

 

Kaito sleeps more than usual. With Shinichi still riding the high of being tested negative, he keeps his mouth shut. He doesn’t want his boyfriend to go straight back to worrying about him after such good news. He doesn’t know (he does, he just refuses to think about it) what’s wrong with him. He just goes back to bed as Shinichi presses a kiss to the corner of his eye before heading out on a case.

 

Even his manager notices a few days later at the theatre, watching him carefully throughout practice. He fights down a yawn, finishing his act with a flourish before he’s beckoned over.

 

“Kobayashi-kun?” He asks, sweeping any sign of fatigue under the proverbial rug. “What’s up?”

 

Kobayashi scoffs, fixing Kaito’s tie with a haughty sniff, “Don’t ‘what’s up’ me, boyo. You’ve been tired lately. What’s wrong?” And his voice softens enough that Kaito does too. He rubs at the back of his neck, looking away until Kobayashi gently cups his chin with long, dark red nails, forcing him to meet his searching gaze.

 

Kaito sighs, fidgeting before he gives him a big smile, “I’ve just been feeling a bit tired lately is all. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to normal for Saturday!” He sweats slightly under the other’s gaze, feeling far too much like prey to be comfortable. Despite having faced down snipers and a whole organization hellbent on killing him and so many others, Kobayashi is still one of the scariest men, barring Shinichi, Kaito’s ever had the privilege of becoming close friends with.

 

As Kobayashi scoffs again, murmuring something about a ‘stupid epidemic’ before walking away, Kaito goes over that last thought and mentally berates himself for already sounding like he’s saying goodbye.

 

He’s not dying. Not yet.

 

He shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. He takes a deep breath, exhaling firmly before stepping back out into the spotlight for another practice run.

* * *

Araide-sensei calls him in the middle of him fixing up his walkman after he’s been ordered to stay home by both Shinichi and Kobayashi-kun. Or rather, he calls the house phone. Still, Kaito dredges up the last of his energy and slowly gets up. Nausea comes easier these days, an almost constant companion forcing him to slow down and breathe. He hates it. The phone falls off the cradle into his palm as he leans against the wall to steady himself.

 

“Araide-sensei.” He coughs into his elbow, lungs rattling so loud that he can hear the doctor wince on the other side of the phone. “Did you need anything?”

 

“I...Kuroba-kun, if you’re free, I’d like for you to come over so we can go over your results together.” Araide sounds hesitant and that’s just— It’s Not Good. Kaito sighs, scrubbing tiredly at his face as he thinks for a moment.

 

“Sure, Araide-sensei, no problem.” He says, saccharine dripping from his tone to hide the anxiety and dread currently combining in his stomach. “I— Uh, I’ll get Shinichi to drive me if he’s not too busy.”

 

“Alright, Kuroba-kun, see you soon.” And he hangs up, no fanfare, nothing. Just a click and the dial tone.

 

“Be seeing you.” He whispers into the dial tone, smiling at his own dark little joke to keep from crying. He knows what’s going on, he knows that Shinichi knows what’s going on. They’ve both heard of the epidemic in the States, they both knew it’d only be a small matter of time before it spread to Japan. Kaito’s pretty sure it has already.

 

Still. He’s not out of it yet. He grips the phone, plastic creaking under his fingertips as he shakily reaches over to dial Shinichi’s number.

 

“Hey, babe…? You free? Araide-sensei wants to talk and I— Uh, I still don’t feel too good to go by myself.” For once, since all of this started, he speaks the truth, lets the exhaustion pour out in waves if only for Shinichi to get home faster and hold him close.

 

Shinichi murmurs out a curse, most likely following where this is going. Kaito can hear the traffic of the station around him as he steps away with a quick, “Hold on, sweetheart, this’ll only take a moment. Takagi-keiji—” There’s some chattering, too low for Kaito to care for deciphering, he just closes his eyes, letting it wash over him. He jolts as Shinichi comes back over, sounding harried. “Alright, I just convinced Takagi-keiji to take over for me, I’ll be there in five.”

 

He’s there in four. Panting slightly, he looks like a mess, but he’s Kaito’s mess. Kaito pushes himself off the wall, coming forward with a small smile as he runs his fingers through Shinichi’s hair. He presses a kiss to Shinichi’s forehead as Shinichi wraps strong arms around his waist. Shinichi presses a kiss to his cheek, holding him close. Kaito closes his eyes, his smile shaken, “Let’s go see what Araide-sensei wants then, darling.”

 

Shinichi only leads him to the car, grip tight on his hip.

* * *

It’s said without fanfare. The only thing that makes Kaito believe this is real is Shinichi’s tightening grip on his shoulders. That and the fact that he knew all along. Knew this would have been a possibility since Shinichi mentioned the blood transfusion.

 

Still. He exhales shakily, lacing his hands with Shinichi’s to keep himself grounded. “I— What can we do?”

 

Araide-sensei looks at him, a placating smile on his face. “I’m afraid...With this virus being so new, there is _nothing_ we can do.” His smile drops as Shinichi inhales sharply, Kaito watches his boyfriend carefully. “I’ll leave you two alone.” And he steps out of the room, the door closing with a sharp _click._

 

“Come ‘ere,” Kaito tugs him around until Shinichi is standing in front of him. His head is bowed, eyes squeezed shut to prevent the tears still leaking through. “Shinichi…”

 

And that’s enough to break him. His boyfriend collapses to his knees, sobbing into his jeans as Kaito shushes him. He leans over him, pressing kisses into his hair as he wipes away his own tears. He tries to fight off the hopelessness growing inside him as Shinichi makes a strangled noise that absolutely breaks his heart. He sniffles for a moment, “Hey, darling, we’ll be alright, it’s okay.” Shinichi mumbles something into his leg, shaking his head furiously. “What was that?” He pitches his voice to soothing, running fingers through his detective’s hair.

 

“I said,” And Shinichi inhales shakily, gripping tightly at his fingers with such desperation as if Kaito would disappear any second. “It’s _my_ fault.”

 

He sucks in a breath, sliding off the chair to fully wrap his arms around his boyfriend. “No, darling,” He starts as Shinichi buries his face into his shoulder, “not your fault at all.” He presses kisses wherever he can reach, rubbing comforting circles as best he can into Shinichi’s back. “None of this is your fault. None of it.”

 

“But I—” His detective wipes furiously at his eyes, swallowing harshly as he tries to keep another sob from leaving him. “If I wasn’t there that night, you wouldn’t have—”

 

“We don’t know how that night would have ended, Shinichi,” He cuts in, leaning against him, “but I’d change nothing about it.” He does his best, pulling a handkerchief out with a puff of smoke, wiping gently at Shinichi’s face until he’s a bit more put together. “ _Nothing_ . Do you hear me, Meitantei?” Kaito presses their foreheads together, trying to somehow send all of his thoughts through one single touch, “If you keep blaming yourself, then I’m going to do the List again. In _public_.” He kisses his cheek, assuring his threat.

 

“Anything but the List,” Shinichi cracks a sad smile, a small laugh bubbling from his throat. “It’s so oddly specific that I’d...lock myself away out of embarrassment.”

 

Kaito noses at his cheekbones, planting kisses here and there to try and get him to smile. “But it’s true,” he coos, “I really do love you and all your weird moles—”

 

He hears Shinichi groan and softly murmur, “oh my god—”

 

“And your scarily neat hair that I can only mess up when you’re sweaty enough; I’ll always love the way you snort when I make you laugh too hard. Your cooking will always be my favorite—”

 

Shinichi makes an embarrassed noise as he kisses his forehead.

 

“Do I need to continue?” And Shinichi shakes his head, flustered.

 

“I love you,” Kaito whispers, burying his face into his boyfriend’s hair.

 

Shinichi just sniffles, holding him as if Kaito’s the only thing keeping him together.

* * *

Ariade-sensei sends them home with packets full of information, ways to live less painfully he had said.

 

Shinichi says nothing on the drive home, just gripping Kaito’s hand hard enough to most likely bruise.

 

The silence is suffocating.

 

And Kaito begins mentally plotting out the first of many love letters; so at the very least, Shinichi will have something to keep when he goes.


End file.
